Session 1: Biblical Foundations Of The Family

Session 2: Gender Rolds in the Home and in the Church

Session 3: Understanding Gender Differences and Needs

Session 4: Identity and Blessing in Genesis and The Jewish Culture of Blessing

Session 5: The Culture, Effects and Healing of Cursed Identities:Shame and Redemption Part 1

Session 6: The Culture, Effects and Healing of Cursed Identities:Shame and Redemption Part 2

Session 7: Understanding and Dealing With Teenage Independence and Rebellion

Session 8: Balancing Work and Family

Session 9: Strengthening Marital Integrity

Session 10: Biblical Principles and Models of Parenting and Effective Discipline Without Anger

Biblical concept of “blessing”

 “Blessing”
(1) AFFIRMATION: to affirm the worth or identity of another; to honor;
(2) IMPARTATION: to empower to succeed, prosper or multiply; to empower another to successfully fulfill his/her unique purpose and potentials given by God

The first definition relates to one’s IDENTITY; the second, to one’s DESTINY.

The power of blessing
•    Blessing empowers us to fulfill God’s purpose for our lives; cursing cripples us from fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives.
•    Blessing or honor empowers us in three ways:
– It affirms our sense of self-worth and belongingness and thereby enabling us to accept, appreciate, and respect ourselves.
– It builds confidence in our capacity for doing (success) and becoming (destiny).
– It helps release our potentials as it gives us confidence to overcome barriers and challenges in relationships and performance.

Parenting Pointers
•    FAILING PARENTS ARE PARENTS WHO FOCUS ON THE PROBLEMS THEY SEE IN THEIR CHILDREN, SUCCESSFUL PARENTS ARE PARENTS WHO FOCUS ON THE POTENTIALS THEY SEE IN THEIR CHILDREN.

•    DWELLING ON THE NEGATIVE BRINGS OUT THE WORST IN PEOPLE; DWELLING ON THE POSITIVE DRAWS OUT THE BEST IN THEM.

•    “If I treat you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that person.”  – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

•    POSITIVE CHARACTER IS MORE SUCCESSFULLY BUILT IN A PERSON WITH A HEALED SOUL. BLESSING AND AFFIRMATION BRINGS HEALING TO THE WOUNDED SOUL.

•    PEOPLE DO NOT NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE RESPECTED OR ACCEPTED. IF NOT, THEN NO ONE ON EARTH IS WORTHY OF RESPECT, BECAUSE NO ONE IS PERFECT.

BUILDING A CULTURE OF BLESSING AT HOME

1.    Develop the habit of finding ways to affirming your spouse and children everyday.

2.    You can start practicing the “Blessing Circle” activity once a month. The “Blessing Circle” includes acts of affirmation, forgiveness, apology, and blessing prayer for one another. The father should take leadership here.

3.    The father is encouraged to practice the habit of blessing his wife and children at least once a week, or better, everytime they go to school or their workplace.

4.    Forgive, forgive, forgive – up to 77 times (Matthew 18:21-22). People around you are NEVER going to be perfect, just better. Be patient with them as you would want them to be patient with you. For children needing discipline, you may give a 1st warning before implementing discipline.

5.    Give allowances for mistakes or failure. People are not perfect, but they can become better if encouraged, inspired and properly guided. Most often what regularly misbehaving or mis-performing people really need is not punishment but guidance and assistance as to how they can successfully change their behavior.

6.    Affirm before applying correction. Do the “sandwich” approach to correction.

7.    Instead of getting angry, facilitate a learning process from mistakes or failures committed. Use questions to motivate and direct the learning process (esp. for children). You may use the Six Diagnostic-Corrective Questions:

(1)    “What exactly happened or what did you do?”
(2)    “Why and how did it happen / Why did you do it?”
(3)    “What do you think about what happened or what you did – was is right or wrong?”
(4)    “Who do you think is responsible for what happened or who should take responsibility for what happened?”
(5)    “What do you need to do or what do you think you should do about it now?”
(6)    “What are you learning from this experience, so you become better and do better next time?”

8.    “Everyone should be be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry; for man’s anger cannot bring about the righteous life that God desires.” – James 1:19-20

9.    Allow your children or spouse to express or explain themselves during times of care-frontation or correction and be open to possible mistakes of judgment on your part also, so long as they do it with respect.

10.    Develop the regular family habit of praying together and for each other’s needs, at least once a week. The father should take leadership here.

11.    Never forget to verbalize sincere appreciation for one another whenever something good or helpful was done by someone.

12.    Strive to regularly notice or observe improvements in behavior in your family and give proper commendation and encouragement.

13.    Show affection regularly to your family members through words (love, affirmation), touch (hug, assuring or encouraging pats, kiss, holding hands), tokens or gifts, service or giving a helping hand, loving look, attentive listening, and smiles.

14.    When you know you’re wrong, take responsibility and admit it publicly and sincerely apologize to the people concerned, without blaming anyone else.

15.    Never yell or raise your voice against another unless absolutely necessary. People around you normally have healthy and normal ears that don’t need to be damaged.  If you need to emphasize something corrective, just say it firmly and give warning of an impending consequence if it remains unheeded.

16.    Hold family conferences, whenever needed, to discuss and collectively solve common or persistent problems in the home and family relationships. Facilitate learning among your children by asking them the Diagnostic-Corrective questions. Blaming or accusing is avoided in the family conference since the focus is on finding solutions together. Solve problems together as a family by eliciting and listening to suggestions and ideas from all family members. Show appreciation for suggestions even if they sound undoable or superficial or even “cute.” Aim for consensus, if possible, and seal a collective agreement regarding solutions to be implemented. Delegate and implement solutions together.

17.    Plan regular family bonding times together, at least once a month, where you can enjoy one another or enjoy things or experiences together. (family outing or picnic, watching a movie together, malling together, eat out together, etc.)

EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE WITHOUT ANGER

1.    Parents need to recognize that parenting must be     INTENTIONAL for it to succeed. Child-training is a full-time job.

2.    As parents, discuss and agree on the core convictions and habits you want to build in your children. Establish clear standards of behavior.

3.    Agree how you will teach and reinforce these on your children consistently. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)

4.    Agree on what behavioral consequences (punishment and rewards) should be applied to specific behaviors / misbehaviors. Explain the positive reason why you are implementing them. Implement the consequences consistently and firmly. Be generous with praise but firm in your discipline. Affirm the child even in the act of discipline and after the discipline.

5.    Focus on ways to inspire and encourage your children towards the right values and behavior. Never compare them with others in a negative way. Give them a vision of what they can become.

6.    Focus on discovering and building the potentials of your children. Always verbally affirm your faith in your children’s capacity to become better and the best. But never measure their worth against their performance. Their intrinsic worth as human beings must always be respected despite wrong behavior or failure to meet expectations.

7.    Schedule regular time for family bonding activities and mutual sharing, prayer and affirmation. Practice the “Blessing Circle” every week. Go out as a family at least once a month.

1. The Family Represents The Basic Model Of God’s Kingdom or Reign On Earth

·         Genesis 1:26-28

·         “Image of God” = “male and female” exercising “God’s rule” on earth

o    Represents God’s Rule as His “Tselem” or “Image” – Functional meaning: Humanity as God’s Agent of His Benevolent Rule Over the Lower Orders of Creation (Genesis 1:26,28; 1 Corinthians 11:7)

o    Represents God’s Functional Likeness: Man as WORKER to meet the needs of creation (Genesis 2:5-7,15); Woman as a RELATER to meet the need of the Man (Genesis 2:18-23)

·         Man and Woman in Marriage To Propagate By Bringing Up “Godly Offspring/Seed” Who Will Model God’s Rule Through Their Future Generations (Genesis 1:28; 18:17-19; Malachi 2:15; Ephesians 6:4)

 2.  The Fall Brought Divisions Within The Human Family And Subjected Man To The Rule of The Serpent

·         Relationship With God

o    Violation of the Covenant through Disobedience
(Hosea 6:7)

o    Fear and Shame (Genesis 3:8-10)

o    “Serpent” is now “inside” man to dominate him: Genesis 4:7 (Heb. words robets, teshuqah, mashal) – compare John 8:44

o    Since then, the serpent now rules humanity – Luke 4:5-7; John 12:31

·         Relationship With One Another

o     Shame (Loss of Transparency) (Genesis 3:7)

o     Blame-Shifting (Loss of Moral Responsibility) (Genesis 3:11-13)

o     Envy & Murder (Loss of Human Love and Care) (Genesis 4:4-9)

3. The Coming of the Kingdom of God through Jesus Christ Brings Division Into The Human Family As Loyalties Are Polarized

·         Matthew 10:32-38; Luke 12:51-53

·         Luke 14:26-27

·         Luke 18:28-30

·         The context of these Scriptures is SALVATION: the necessity of faith and obedience in following the Messiah against those who reject His rule / kingdom because they refuse to recognize Him as the promised Messiah (“anointed king”)

 4.  The Acceptance of God’s Kingdom Restores God’s Original Plan For The Family

·         As a Married Couple – Unconditional Love and Submission; Mutual Respect (Ephesians 5:21-33; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7)

·         As Parents – Instruction and Discipline Without Abuse (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21)

·         As Children – Honor and Obedience (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20; Malachi 4:5-6)

 5.   In The Ministry of the Kingdom, The Family Is Given Its Original Priority as Representing The Basic Model of God’s Kingdom on Earth

·         1 Timothy 3:2-5

·         Titus 1:6-7

·         1 Peter 3:1-7 (Enhancing the effectivity of the ministry of the Word and Prayer)

·         PAUL: “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?”

Reflection and Application

·         What is my greater priority now – my family or ministry/work?

·         What course of action should I take now to correct any wrong priorities?

Gender Roles: The Headship of the man

·         Feminist Controversy – Egalitarian vs. Complementarian Views

·         Egalitarian View emphasizes EQUALITY of DIGNITY and EQUALITY of ROLE; male headship resulted AFTER the Fall, but was not God’s original order (Genesis 3:16); Equality of DIGNITY and ROLE (shared authority) re-established through redemption in Christ (Galatians 3:28; 1 Peter 3:7; Ephesians 5:21ff.)

·         Complementarian View emphasizes EQUALITY of DIGNITY but DISTINCTION of ROLE; male headship established BEFORE the Fall as the expression of the Divinely appointed order in Marriage (1 Timothy 2:12-13; Genesis 2:16-18; 3:9-11,17; Ephesians 5:22-24,33; 1 Peter 3:1-6)

Equality of Dignity & Worth

·         Genesis 2:18 – ‘ezer kenegdo

·         `Ezer means “help, succour, support”. It is a probably a derivative of the verb ‘azar , a primary root which means “to surround“, and thus the meaning “to defend, protect, aid, help, support.” But new studies have suggested that the word more possibly comes from a combined root which carries the main idea of “strength, power” that “rescues, saves” another. God is often described in the Old Testament as Israel’s ‘ezer or “Helper” (Exodus 18:4; Deuteronomy 33:7; Psalms 33:20; 115:9-11; 124:8; Hosea 13:9), or the Psalmist “Help” (Psalms 70:5; 121:1-2). The woman’s strength as ‘ezer is also symbolized by the substance God used to create her – the “rib” bone in the man that “protects, surrounds” the heart.

·         Kenegdo comes from neged (“to be in front of, opposite, parallel”) and means “corresponding to, comparable to, equal to, counterpart to, suitable or fitting for.”`Ezer kenegdo thus means “a support, a source of strength who is an equal counterpart to, one who is just like” the man. Here there is no inferiority or superiority, but equality. The woman is thus a true counterpart and equal of the man, who, unlike the animals, corresponds to him in every way, and who is thus able to meet his need for community, for intimate relationship – something the animals cannot give to the man (Genesis 2:20)

Man Was Created To Take Leadership

• God establishes His covenant with the Man before the woman was created (Genesis 2:16-17; Hosea 6:7). God expects the man to be faithful to that covenant as his bond of integrity.
• God expected the man to take leadership in that covenant by communicating His word to his wife (Genesis 3:1-3) and to ensure that his wife obeys His will (Genesis 3:6, 17)
• God holds the man responsible for his sin and the sin of his wife (Genesis 3:9-11, 17)
• The Fall is the results of the man’s failure to take leadership

Headship Is Not Superiority; Submission Is Not Inferiority

·         Both husband and wife are commanded to demonstrate mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21-24) and respect (Ephesians 5:33; 1 Peter 3:7)

·         Headship is just an assigned role or function, it does not imply a superior nature – 1 Corinthians 11:3; Philippians 2:5-6; Colossians 2:9; Ephesians 5:25,28-29

·         Subordination is just an assigned role or function, it does not imply an inferior nature – 1 Corinthians 11:3,7-12; Galatians 3:28-29; Ephesians 5:25,28-29; Proverbs 31:10-31; 1 Peter 3:3-5

·         1 Peter 3:7 “Fellow-heirs of the gracious gift of life”

·         Malachi 2:13-14 (God rebuffs men who are unfaithful to their wives)

·         Male abuse of their headship and their abuse of women is the product of sinful NATURE and CULTURE, but not of SCRIPTURE.

·         The Answer to ABUSE is NOT ABOLITION of Divinely Assigned ROLES, but the restoration of mutual RESPECT and HONOR between the genders as people equally created in the image of God.

Equality of dignity & worth

• 1 Peter 3:7 “Fellow-heirs of the gracious gift of life”
• Malachi 2:13-14 (God rebuffs men who are unfaithful to their wives)
• Male abuse of their headship and their abuse of women is the product of sinful NATURE and CULTURE, but not of SCRIPTURE.
• The Answer to ABUSE is NOT ABOLITION of Divinely Assigned ROLES, but the restoration of mutual RESPECT and HONOR between the genders as people equally created in the image of God.

 Controversial Passages

·         1 Timothy 2:11-14

• Cmp. Romans 16:3-5; Philippians 4:2-3; Titus 2:3-5; Acts 18:26
• 1 Corinthians 14:32-28

o   Cmp. OT & NT Prophetesses Miriam (Exodus 15:20), Deborah (Judges 4:4), Huldah (2 Kings 22:14), Anna (Luke 2:36) and the Four Daughters of Philip (Acts 21:8-9)

o   Mirriam questions Moses’ headship and was subsequently judged by God (Numbers 12:1-12)

·         1 Timothy 3:2-5 (context: in the Christian assembly)

Conclusions

·         Man is to exercise his authority as head in the humility of a loving leader who serves, cares for, sacrifices for, cherishes, understands, respects, and protects the woman, just as Christ treats the church.

·         Husband and wife should listen to each other and arrive at decisions by consensus as much as possible, but when they differ in non-moral matters, the wife must defer the final decision to her husband in loving submission.

·         Both husband and wife must show mutual respect and honour for one another by their words and treatment of each other.

·         Women can exercise their ministry according to their callings and giftings in the church, but must remain in submission to male leadership. The woman in ministry must remain in submission to her husband.

Reflection and Application

·         Am I faithfully fulfilling God’s appointed role for me as a husband/wife and obeying His commands towards my spouse?

·         In what ways can I show respect and honour for my spouse?  What course of action will I take to do this?

·         Do I need to ask forgiveness from my spouse for my wrong ways of treating him/her that clearly violate God’s commands?

·         Decide on what course of action you will take to follow God’s commands and take note of the results.