Family Life Course Lecture 9 Guide

 “Strengthening Marital Integrity”
Prepared by: David A. Magalong, Jr.
 
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4
 

A.  Sex is a Gift from God   (Gen. 2:24-25)

 1. Sex is a covenant act of union  – Gen. 2:24

“For this cause the man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.“

Three acts: “Leave – Cleave – Weave“

The sexual act is the enactment of the covenant of marriage (Malachi 2:14) where the two become one flesh. (“Cleave” – a covenant term in the OT.)

It is the pledge of loyalty to that covenant relationship.

 2. Sex is a covenant relationship  – Gen. 2:25

“The man and woman were both naked, and they felt no shame.“

Sex itself is more than an act – it is a relationship. The sexual act is the physical expression of that union and intimacy of hearts that is to characterize the total relationship of the man and his wife – a relationship that is motivated by love and where the man is to primarily takes initiative.

 B.  Lust is a Perversion of God’s Gift

(1 Thess. 4:3-8)

Lust is a self-indulgent sexual desire that separates the sexual act from the relationship as it focuses purely on the physical enjoyment without real concern for the nurture of the relationship or the happiness of the other. (1 Thess. 4:3-8)

Love is a relationship characterized by

1. Openness

2. Care

3. Understanding

4. Respect

5. Responsibility

and is motivated by a desire for intimacy, which is the goal of marriage according to God’s purpose (Gen. 2:24-25; Mal. 2:15 NIV).

C. Sexual Fulfillment is God’s Will 

(1 Cor. 7:3-5)

Sexual satisfaction is important to maintaining the sexual integrity of a marriage.

 Overcoming obstacles to sexual fulfillment:

1. Be open to each other about problems in your sex life.

2. Be considerate and understanding to your spouse when he/she is not ready or when he/she is in need.

3. Respect and be sensitive to the feelings and needs of your spouse relating to your sex life.

4. Read good Christian literature on sex and sexual problems (ex. Tim La Haye’s The Act of Marriage)

5. Be willing to make adjustments and work together to help bring sexual fulfillment to each other in creative ways.

6. Daily seek to meet each other’s emotional needs outside of the sexual act.

7. Seek the help of a mature and competent Christian counselor of the same sex. Best, do it together.

D. Sexual Purity in Marriage is God’s Will (Heb. 13:4; 1 Thess. 4:3-8)

Establish safety perimeters around your marriage:

Do’s:

1. Do spend regular time praying together for one another’s needs regularly (James 5:16)

2. Do spend a lot of time together, talking with each other openly, honestly and lovingly (“speaking the truth in love”- Eph. 4:15), and listening to each other (James 1:19-20)

3. Do focus on making your spouse happy and seek his/her happiness above your own (Deut. 24:5; Titus 2:4-5)

4. Do seek to satisfy each other sexually (1 Cor. 7:3-5)

5. Whatever disappointments you have with your spouse let the Lord be the first to know, then communicate it to your spouse gently and with respect. If all fails, entrust it to the Lord (1 Pet. 3:1-7)

6. Focus regularly on what you can appreciate and affirm in each other (Phil. 4:8)

7. Serve the Lord together (Gen. 2:18; Josh. 24:15b)

8. Focus on raising godly children (Mal. 2:15; see vv. 13-15)

Dont’s:

“Be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil.” (Rom. 16:19b)

“Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” (Matt. 10:16)

1. Resolve to maintain the purity of your marriage.

2. Avoid talking with a person of the opposite sex alone.

3. Never share your marital problems with a person of the opposite sex, except to a professional or spiritual counselor.

4. Always wear your wedding ring and let it daily remind you of your commitment to your spouse before God.

5. Refuse to enjoy green jokes and any kind of obscenity (Eph. 5:3-6)

6. Refrain from letting a person of the opposite sex ride with you alone in your car, except if its a group.

7. Avoid looking frequently at an attractive person of the opposite sex (Matt. 5:28-29; Job 31:1)

8. Avoid the company of sexually motivated people. (1 Cor. 15:33)

9. Keep away form all forms of pornography. (Eph. 5:3-6)

10. When you are faced with sexual temptation – run, flee! (1 Cor. 6:18; ex. Gen. 39:10-13). The sooner, the better!

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